Erisue’s Weblog

*sigh* Over the past few days, I’ve really thought about how much I don’t like my job.  But really, it’s not the job itself that I don’t like.  Although a job that is a bit more of a challenge would be nice, the job is okay.  I’ve done it for nearly ten years, and there’s always something different so it doesn’t get too boring.  I really am not a people-person, but I know how to fake it.  I know what to say, when to say it, and I know what people want to hear.  Not that I give a rat’s ass about most of the inconsequential crap that flows from their mouth like a sewer drain, but they would never know that (unless of course they read this entry).  I do fake it very well. 

People are selfish buffoons, and no matter how much you help them, they continue to stab you in the back.  A very good friend of mine has been telling me this for years, but even he hasn’t taken his own advice because he’s too good of a person to turn his back on them.  Well, I think, after all that has been said and done at work in the past few days, that I’m not that good of a person because I’ve had enough.  I cannot tolerate the talking behind my back and blaming me for their own inadequacies just so someone will think they are “better” or smarter than they really are – nor can I tolerate their holier-than-thou hypocritical behavior.  You would think that as adults the high school drama would eventually end, but no, it doesn’t for some people…even when they are in their 50s and even in their 70s. 

I don’t like furniture that every one has in their homes. I don’t like going from one person’s house to another person’s house and seeing the same kitchen table or the same entertainment center – all bought at different stores. Where is the originality and individuality in that? If I could, I would have someone make my furniture to suit my own needs and perferences. But…since I have yet to win the freaking lottery, I am stuck looking for furniture at the same stores as everyone else. The sad thing about the furniture choices around here is that the wood, or the “wood”, usually tends to be oak with a honey-type finish. Argh…this disgusts me. Why must everyone around here do the “country theme” in their homes. You know people, just because we live in the MidWest and we smack-dab in the middle of corn country, we DO have other choices than to decorate like we live in an 1890s farm house! You people that do this make it even more difficult for people like me to find eccelectic items for our homes because we don’t want to conform like you do! I am a non-conformist and am capable of having my own opinion, likes, and dislikes without having to see that other people have them as well. Actually, once other people start liking the, I usually stop.

With that said, I found the most perfect entertainment center/armoire last night – for me. I am actually getting around to decorating my bedroom – something I have not done in the almost five years since I’ve owned my home. But…like I said, I don’t want coookie-cutter furniture with honey finish (it really makes me a little sick to my stomach to even think about it in my house). My dilemma was that I needed a new dresser (which I only really use a couple drawers) and something entertainment centerish for the TV and Wii. My first thought was an armoire, but I’m not into Shaker/Amish/Colonial/Traditional, cheap-ass furniture and that seems to be the only style of armoires out there. So, I was going to go with a dresser and some type of entertainment center, but I’ve looked damn near every where (around here) and couldn’t find something to suit my non-conformist taste. UNTIL…I went to a particular store that I always forget we have here – and the only place I had not previously looked.

Anyway…I found an entertainment center/armoire. It was originally a little pricey and much more than I wanted to spend. However, it was on sale, and because it was the last one they had left, I got an additional 20% off because there is a little knick on the front (that I didn’t even notice). So…with the sale price and the discount, it came to under the amount I was looking to spend on a dresser and entertainment center. AND…I like this one much more. I am going to post a picture of this most perfect piece of furniture, and if you already have it, I don’t want to know about it. Just keep it to yourself and don’t allow me to come to your house unless it’s in a room with a locked door.

Last night, around 7pm, it was -10 and the wind chill was -27. This morning, it was -16 with no wind chill. Right now, it is -4 with no wind chill. Tomorrow, it’s supposed to be 29. To put that in perspective, going from -27 to 29 is a difference of 56 degrees. That would be like going from 32 to 88 – going from cold to nice and toasty. But, going from -27 to 29 is going from unbelievably, freakin’ cold to just really, really cold. Damn it, I hate the freakin’ winter.

Last night, when we were leaving the grocery store, I could feel the moisture in my eyes trying to freeze, even with my eyes closed – never felt that before – odd, odd feeling.  I hope to never feel it again.

Did I mention how much I hate the winter?

Well, my 2008 was a bit better than my 2007.  Ris made the flag squad, and competitions start at the end of this month.  E was put into advanced math and is in the chess club (which he absolutely loves).  Both of them are doing much better in school.  I finally earned my Associate from ICC and was accepted into both the History and English Bachelor’s programs at UIS.  Classes start again less than a week, and as much as I welcome the break, I’m always anxious for them to start. 

Of course there were some rough patches throughout the year, but I have many things in which to be thankful.  The rough patches include, but are not limited to, the death of a beloved friend (who I miss terribly at times), having to deal Lonnie’s irrational and incomprehensible method of thinking and reasoning, dealing with familial indifferences and ignorance to my religion along with discriminations against my son’s “disability”, and the general dealing with the dumb asses in my life (which gets increasingly difficult as the years go by – either they become greater dumb asses or my patience lessens – perhaps both).

However, I also have things in which I am thankful.  First and foremost, I am thankful my children are healthy, safe, happy, and are the people they are.  I am also thankful that I have a job in which to support them, and myself…especially when so many people are being laid-off.  I am thankful that a veil has been lifted from my eyes, and I can see things much more clearly now.  I am thankful for a friend who has returned to my life (who I honestly appreciate and who is the person to whom I can be unconditionally honest).  I am thankful for the true friendships I have and for the two people to whom I can be myself without the annoyance of being judged.  (I hope you know who you are.)   I am thankful for the health of the two babies born to friends who are like family to me, and for their own health and happiness as well as that of their families.  I am thankful I am able to continue my education (although the professor I had for English last semester is included in the dumb asses category of my life.)

I’ll stop there because I could go on about both topics.  At the beginning of 2009, life is content, and Inshallah, it will, at least, stay that way. 

T – do you remember my post about my mom cursing me to have a child ten times worse than me?  Well, Karen is even more evil than I originally suspected.  I have a feeling the “ten times worse” curse was only a curse she let me hear.  Under her breath and behind my back, I think she cursed me with a child JUST LIKE HER!  I swear to you, T, Ris is just like Karen.  The looks, the attitude, the sighs, the martyrdom, the acting like I’m incompetent, the passive aggressive behavior…it’s all her.  That’s why my eye has a permanent twitch to it now!  Oh, she is evil, Terri…evil, I tell you.  SO…here’s my curse on Ris…I hope she has one JUST LIKE ME!  That way, I can tag team with her kid like she’s tag teaming with my mother!  Game on.

I had E’s parent/teacher conference last Thursday. He is doing well. He got an A in math, reading, and effort, and a B in conduct. His teacher also told me they want to move him into an advanced math class with a couple other kids. She said they think he might even be gifted in math. (Uh…he didn’t get that from me. I hate math. I usually got Bs in it (with the exception of geometry and we just won’t talk about that right now), but my subjects were always English, History, and Geography. I also thought it was ironic that A Beautiful Mind was on over the weekend…which always reminds me of some guy I know - not only because I watched it with him but because he’s a math genius.  But anyway…) E was estatic when I told him about it. Apparently they are already giving him different worksheets than what his classmates have and he still flies through them. He loves math…like I love History and Literature (it borders on unhealthy…really it does). I was told this morning that advanced math and chess club are the only two things Ethan likes about school now…and he hasn’t even started advanced math yet.

Out of the last five presidential elections, this is the first one in which I did not vote.  It’s not that I didn’t feel it was important nor do I take my suffrage lightly; however, there is absolutely no damned way on God’s green earth that I was going to vote Palin into the office of vice-presidency.  I’m a Republican – I was all abroad the McCain train before he picked her as his running mate.  Plus, I live in Illinois, and in Illinois, Republicans don’t stand much of a chance in the election booth when all the dead Democratic Chicagoians somehow make a come back to vote in the booths next to us.  (The electoral college is a bunch of crap, but whatever, that’s a different discussion.)  BUT…Palin?  Was McCain secretly working on Obama’s campaign?  I expected McCain to pick a minority of some category as a running mate and certainly wasn’t surprised that he chose a woman, but damn, couldn’t he at least have picked a competent one? 

(As for the press covering Palin, yes, they were on the money with some things (like just about anything that had to do with politics), but damn, how freaking unfair is it to make comments on the price of her clothing or to insinuate that her husband is the father of her daughter’s child?  Does anyone know the designer of Obama or McCain’s suits?  No, we don’t because it doesn’t matter what a man wears.  Did anyone question the parentage of Obama, Biden, or McCain’s children?  No.  It also doesn’t matter whether a man is a part of his family’s life.  To attack a woman by saying she can’t do a good job in office because she has a family she needs to take care of sets the advancement of women back quite a few years.  People really need to wake the fuck up, and if you’re stupid, just stop talking because other stupid people believe you, and soon our country will be full of stupid people…oh wait…nevermind.  Although I don’t like Palin’s politics, she should still be given the respect the other candidate were given in the areas mentioned above.)

Now…back to politics…

I’ve heard a lot of talk today about why McCain lost – it was the economy, it was foreign affairs, it was this, it was that….it was fucking Palin.

Note to McCain:          Seriously, McCain?  You wanted me to vote for that?  Did you do your homework before you picked her or did you just draw her name out of a hat full of female/minority politicians?  Hey, if you decide to run for president again, I’ll be your vice-president.  I mean, I know I’m not a mere 90 miles away from a different country so my view on foreign relations probably wouldn’t be as keen as Palin’s, but I’m fairly sure I could have answered the media questions a whole hell of a lot better than she did.  Just a thought, McCain…just a thought.

A very, very dear friend of mine, Melissa, did not show up for work yesterday morning so her boss contacted her daughter.  Her daughter is a sophomore in college and decided to live at home this year instead of living in the dorms.  When she got up to check on her mom, she found her dead in her bed.  No one knows for sure how she died other than it looks to be an accidental insulin overdose.  She was going through a horribly bitter divorce and her would-have-been ex-husband seriously has some mental issues (when Rich told me yesterday, I thought for sure he was going to tell me that bastard killed her and I wouldn’t be surprised to hear he actually had something to do with it).  She was only 51, the mother of four (her youngest one found her), and she was one of the most beautiful souls I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.  I am incredibly saddened by Melissa’s death, and I am saddened for her children (who were her life).  The only thought that brings me any kind of peace in this at all is to think that she no longer has to be hurt by Pat. 

Ethan told his teacher this morning that I was kicked out of Canada and can never go back.  Yes, apparently, I am a maple leaf thief and can no longer visit Canada because of it.  Why does my son think I am a maple leaf thief who is banned from our neighboring country, you might ask – because his dad told him so.  Last night, they were talking on the phone and the story was told that I was kicked out of Canada because I stole a maple leaf from their tree.  Not only was I kicked out, but I can never return either.  (Nacole was with us at the time, heard us talking, and corroborated the story.)  Well, Ethan had already asked me if I have ever been to Canada because one of his favorite cartoon characters is Canadian.  I told him no.  Now he thinks I only told him I’d never been to Canada because I didn’t want to tell him the truth about my leaf thieving days. 

We are planning a trip to Toronto in the next couple years.  I suppose I will have to tell him the truth before we cross the border and hope that he believes me.  If he doesn’t believe me, I will have to make sure he keeps his mouth shut and doesn’t tip off the Mounties that I’m trying to sneak back into the country to capture more maple leaves.  I can see it now – being detained, finger printing, strip searches…  That boy will be SO grounded!